Chenzhou Orphanage - Day 7, Monday

So  we’re all getting sick of breakfast, I think. We were missing about 3 or 4 people at breakfast today.

Anyways, we walked to the orphanage today, and it had rained yesterday, and I think it rained some this morning. Most of the sidewalks aren’t like our sidewalks but are made of a stone that’s as slippery as marble. SO, that being said, I didn’t realize it was rainy this morning, and I wore flip flops which was in interesting experience. I was sliding all over the place.

When we arrived we went up to see the big kids. When we got off the elevator Macy was sitting on the ground, and other kids were jumping on me, so Makenna picked her up and walked while I carried Hope. She and I had some fun. We got everyone downstairs and we took them outside.

We sat down in a circle and did more songs. We sang songs like Hokey Pokey, Father Abraham, and just other nursery rhymes. The kids LOVED it. I had Hope on my lap and we had some fun together. The Hokey Pokey was her favorite :). She laughed and giggled so much, it made me so happy.

I felt bad, though, because Macy sat across from me and didn’t do much during our circle time. And I did want to give Hope attention, because I’ve been giving Macy so much. They all need it. So I held Hope and we had a ball together.

Annie and I played London Bridges with all the kids, as well, and that was a big hit. Everyone WANTED to be caught here, though. It was so funny.

After our circle time we got some balloons out and they all seemed to have fun! Facepaint  and tattoos came out, as well. They all loved it. Chun Chun came to visit us, and I asked if she wanted me to paint her face and she didn’t, but she painted mine which was cool. I think she painted an apple, but I can’t be sure. It rubbed off pretty quickly. But she loved doing it. She’s such a sweet girl, I love her!

I went to help out with the other kids, and I went to find Macy. She was acting funny, though. I think she was mad at me for playing with Hope. I sat her on my lap and she got off quickly and went over to Makenna again. Later today Charlie was holding her, and I reached my arms out for me to hold her and she wouldn’t come to me and pulled away.

I’m not gonna lie, it hurt.

I was sad. My sweet girl whom I fell in love with didn’t want me. She wouldn’t come to me.

Wouldn’t look at me.

Wouldn’t smile.

And I didn’t know what to do.

For the first time in my life, I think I got a glimpse of what it felt like to be rejected. I mean, I’ve had people not like me in life, don’t get me wrong. But this was different. It was like, I loved her SO much, and she just made an effort to show me she didn’t want me. She was mad. And it hurt deep. And I can’t completely explain it, but it was almost like it happened so I would get a feeling, just a glimpse, of what it was like to be left like an orphan. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying its anything comparable. But it was a glimpse into how they feel, even to this day, about being abandoned. I think it was also a, “you’re going to leave me soon, so I’m going to leave you first” type of a thing, too. I know as hard as it is for us to leave, it’s hard for them too. And I feel like she was just trying not to get hurt.

It broke my heart. For her, and for me.

But I made sure to let her know I still loved her. At one point I went over to where she was sitting and gave her a few kisses on the cheek. I could see she started to smile a bit, but didn’t want me to see. You know how that goes.

I walked around helping kids get tattoos and cleaning up a bit. And then it happened. Sweet Macy came crawling over to me and asked for me to pick her up.

I think I could’ve cried.

It really made me realize how much I love her. I mean, I was given the silent treatment for what seems like FOREVER, and she finally wanted me back. I really don’t want to say goodbye. It’s going to be SO hard.

SO, we played for a bit and made balloon hats from those long skinny balloons. She really enjoyed that. I showed her how to twist them and make them stay together, and she copied whatever I did with my balloon.

Then everyone brought out the dressup stuff and Macy got some fake hair and sunglasses, but kept playing with her balloons. She loved those balloons.

After some time she we pulled out a mask craft and had some fun doing that. I feel like I say this EVERY TIME I talk about crafts and Macy, but she just loves it and zones into whatever we’re doing and really enjoys it. She colored on it for awhile and then added some sequins.

Taylor helping his friend, Macy

She’s become really good friends with a boy we named Taylor, and so she always plays with him. So she called him over and took his cape that he was using for dress up, and then gave him the mask instead. So because she was dressed like a superhero, I picked her up and made her fly in the air like one, and she laughed so hard it made my heart happy. I love her little laugh. So we spent some time flying around. :)  If Macy's legs can't work so she can walk, at least she can fly, right?

We went in and we had bought them some snacks and drinks, so they had snack time and enjoyed that. We put on some music and the kids liked to dance a little bit. I picked Macy up and we bounced and danced while she held Taylor’s hand. We were all inseparable today, it was cute. At one point about 10 of us were all holding hands and dancing. We had a lot of fun today.

Molly brought out water colors again, and Macy was interested so we sat down and painted for a bit. I sat her down and she pulled me down to sit in the seat next to her. I can’t even tell you how much joy that gave me. She even trusted me to hold her sunglasses and balloons that she’d kept. When we sat down I noticed that she had a thing of paints in front of her, but Daisy, a little girl with downs, wanted paint SO badly so she gave it to her and Macy waited her turn. Such a sweet girl.

So we painted together. She had fun making the paints watery and then dumping them out and seeing how they looked on her paper. I drew a rainbow on her paper and we had lots of fun giggling together.

After a while I got up and went to talk to Chun Chun. I asked her to give me a Chinese name, and she thought about it for awhile and then said, “Lan Lan”. It means blue like the sea. She’s very sweet.

I played with Macy and Taylor for awhile, and eventually I had 3 other kids on me laughing and rolling around on the floor. So full of joy.

Chun Chun came up behind me and she gave me her name and email address and told me to email her sometime. I said I was excited to email her and I gave her mine, as well. So sweet. I can’t wait to send her pictures and all. She’s so sweet. :)

So eventually I had to take the kids upstairs and I held Macy while Taylor held her hand and practically dragged us along. He’s a sweet boy, though.

When we got to the upstairs room, I found a little boy who is very violent sitting in the corner. He literally hits, kicks, and pinches to get your attention. There’s no way to calm him down usually. But Makenna was with him today and he was calming down. So I sat next to him and scratched my head and he sat there with the biggest smile. He’s so sweet when he keeps his anger in.

Anyways, the other kids didn’t like it, because they didn’t want him to get attention. So they literally came jumping all over me, Hope was pinching me SO hard, and I wanted to cry. I couldn’t get them to stop, either, because every time I told them “NO!” and gave them really stern looks, they just laughed and thought it was funny. And then would do it again. I don’t understand, because this happens frequently, but today it just got to be too much.

I had to just walk away or I think I would’ve screamed. Haha. And I was trying not to show it, but when I came down the elevator Makenna said, “ooh, rough day at the office?” Haha. Always makes me laugh.

But, yeah. We left about 20 minutes early because the kids were getting crazy and wouldn’t listen to anyone but the nannies.

Not much happened at lunch. Charlie and Elyssa started packing during our break :( It made me so sad. I still have mine to do, but it makes me sad thinking about it.

Back at the orphanage, we spent our afternoon with the babies, as usual. It’s a nice relaxing time. As much as I love those kids, it’s nice to have a break and to be able to love on the calm ones, too. It really makes me appreciate the nannies who work ALL day long EVERY day.

Anyways, I picked up Sarah and brought her into the baby room after her nap and we had some fun. She’s a very serious girl… So is Cassie. While the other babies laugh and babble, they sit and observe. I wish I could get them to smile, but it’s just not their personality. And they need the love just as much as the others. I’m happy to be able to hold them and pray over them while I have the chance. Those girls are going to be fighters. I’m praying so hard that they are fighters and make it through it all. Tomorrow Shannon gets to have a meeting with Mrs. Wang, so I think that we’ll find out then what we can do to help these precious heart babies who need to get stronger for surgery.

I spent today helping out anybody and everybody. We had a lot of babies in the room today, so whoever was crying or needed attention, got it from me. It was fun to get to play with each one of the babies, and I got to feed an infant. I loved the opportunity to get to know each baby in snippets.

One baby, Claire, I spent a lot of time with. She was so funny to play with. One second she’d be totally happy and the next she’d fuss to no end. Makenna and I got a kick out of her. She was so sweet though, and whenever she was happy she babbled on and on. She has the biggest eyes and cheeks, and is so precious. Love her so much.

Elyssa held Cassie this afternoon, and I think she’s feeling A LOT better, which is so encouraging. She didn’t fuss as much, and her sore on the back of her head is looking better. She seemed more content and wasn’t so uncomfortable, which made me so happy to see. I worried about her so much laying on those beds, but she seems much much better. Praise God!

When we left the babies this afternoon all the kids were outside in the halls, but they all were acting funny. I think something had happened right before, because Taylor was crying really hard and they were sweeping up something. All the kids were solemn, and didn’t try to get all over that much. It was surprising, and I really want to know what happened. I just pray that they’re in better spirits tomorrow.

Tomorrow is our last day. And I honestly don’t know how I’m going to do it. We all bawled walking IN to the orphanage, can you imagine how we’ll feel when we leave? I know I’m leaving them in a great orphanage, and I know that they’re very well taken care of. No, it’s not the best. They could have families, and I wouldn’t ever want a child to HAVE to live there, but for the situation they’re in, they’re in one of the best. They love each other, and the nannies love them. They told us they don’t get paid a lot, but it’s WORTH IT for those kids. And I SO agree. It’s just HARD having to leave. My heart breaks thinking about it.

I’m going to miss my sweet Macy. Chun Chun. Cassie. Sarah. Joy. And Liz.

I shouldn’t have favorites. And I’d like to say I don’t, but these sweet ones have a special place in my heart. They’ve really touched me this year. And it’s going to be so hard.

We were talking to Liz, the nanny, today about how when we left last year, we cried A LOT. She did too, though. And talking about it made her teary eyed already. I love them so much.

And it’s hard to think that it’ll be at least another year before we see them.

But I know this is the way God planned it, this is the way it was meant to be. But please pray for all of us as we leave and say goodbye to the precious children and sweet nannies of Chenzhou. It will be hard on all of us. And that’s all I can really say about it. It’s going to be HARD.

I will apologize in advance for tomorrow’s blog. I don’t know if I’ll be able to express myself like I wish I could.  At the end of the day, I can’t even remember what happened in the morning. The days are SO long. And it’s hard to process everything that happens. Haha. So with being extra emotionally drained, it could be interesting.

So that’s that. Please cover us in prayers tonight and tomorrow. We appreciate it more than you know!