Friday, July 12th

It’s the day that we’ve all been dreading since we got here.

The day we would say goodbye. Some of us would say goodbye forever, some it would only be for a year… and some wouldn’t know how long their goodbye would be for.

No matter how long it may be before we see our friends again, or how many times we’ve been before, we were all torn up about it.

We began our day like any other. We were able to sleep in a little bit today because the orphanage didn’t want us there until 9. Which was a huge blessing, because I was up for a long time blogging and packing last night.

Once we got to the orphanage, they had us go straight to floor 9 where we had our party last year. They had lined the tables with a ton of fruit, but we couldn’t eat any of it because they had washed it with water. I guess Joy eventually made Charlie and Kathryn eat some. But I somehow made it out without eating the fruit. I used to feel really bad if we didn’t eat their food, but all the nannies and kids eat it otherwise. And I’m sure if they have even more leftovers, the elderly eat it.

Before the party started and before the kids came up, Amy, Julia, and I pulled the director aside and asked about the heart babies one last time before we left. She told us they were hoping to hear back from the New Hope doctors, and if they were still willing to take the girls. Chenzhou was just worried that Charlotte’s heart was too severe for surgery. I think the director was confused, because New Hope would take them no matter what, even if she wasn’t operable. So I told her she didn’t need to wait, that I talked to my friends there, and they’re just waiting for her to sign the consent forms, and they’ll start travel arrangements right away. She said she was willing to do that, and that she would do that today. I guess during the party she got a call from New Hope saying they were still willing to take the girls. So I think that put the director’s mind at ease, as well. Praise God. I’m just praying that she signed those as soon as she got back today.

I’m just going to say that I’m so thankful for Amy and Julia. They have been so supportive and just as passionate about helping the heart babies as I have been. Amy has been emailing contacts of hers trying to help, as well. Julia loves these babies just as much as me, and she loves them well. I’m so proud of Julia. She is 14, and she is already trying so hard to make a difference in these beautiful babies’ lives. I’m so blessed to call them my friends. I know that God placed them on the team this year to help me with those heart babies. And I couldn’t be more thankful for them.

Soon enough the little kids came upstairs and were so excited to have the party with us. Charlie, my little boy from the first couple of years, has gotten SO big. He looks just like a teenager. He’s so much bigger and just looks older. I was so shocked to see him. They grow up so fast! He came and gave me a big hug. 

His parents gave us a package for him, so Shannon gave it to him. He took out the album and studied every single picture in it. He’s a very shy boy, so he was being very quiet and reserved as he opened it. He later went to show some of the nannies all the pictures that he had gotten. He loved that.

Liz came around with necklaces for everyone. They hall had a four leaf clover in a different type of shape. She gave Elyssa and I one with wings on it. She later told us that it was a kiss from her. :)

Soon enough the party started. A few of the kids went up to do a little dance. I forget what they called it, but it was cute.  For the next dance, the nannies put a hat and sunglasses on Taylor and Dennis. They called it a “Street dance”, which made us laugh, these little Chinese boys trying to do some hip hop and what not. It was really funny. :)

We went up to sing a song. We sang the worship song “You are Holy” by Michael W. Smith. Our guide, Steve, came to a few of our devotions in the hotel room at night where we practiced, and he said he wanted to sing with us. So he came up and sang some, too. The nannies and kids enjoyed it. Shannon had printed off the words in Chinese for them to read along with us. When I had looked down from the stage they were all swaying back and forth, and the director was singing along with us. It was just cool to see.

They sang a few more songs for us, one with the whole orphanage staff and kids. I was doing so well in not crying until the very end of their song of thanks, when they all yelled at the end, “Sank you!!” (which translates to “thank you” ;)).

That’s when all the tears started.

They cut a cake and gave us all HUGE pieces. I couldn’t eat it all, haha. The white chocolate that they had all over the cake was wonderful, though. I could’ve eaten that forever. I don’t usually like white chocolate at home… but the crazy thing about being in a culture that is so different, and eating food that is so different, anything that tastes like home tastes good. Kind of like the KFC, I NEVER eat there at home (I don’t think we even have one in my town…?), or any fast food place for that matter, but it just tastes like home, because it’s fast food. Haha.

We exchanged gifts with the director and nannies. They gave us these really cute volunteer pins made specifically for the Chenzhou orphanage. They also gave us a pen, mirror, and business card. It was so sweet. I loved the pin the most.

Steve told us to go down to floor 5 to say goodbye to the kids. He said, “Okay, you have 10 minutes!” Which definitely wasn’t long enough. Most of us stayed a lot longer than that.

I went to find sweet baby Sarah, who had just gotten off of her IV for the morning. I asked her nanny if I could pick her up, and she said yes. So I picked her up and she didn’t even fuss. I prayed for her and held her tight. And that’s when I lost it. Tears began to fill my eyes as I thanked God for her precious life. And I know that if I care this much about a little girl I barely know… He must love her immeasurably more. I know he has a plan for her life, and I’m glad that I could be a part of it so far.

Sweet little Ray came and pulled up a little chair for me and told me to sit with her. Such a sweetheart. I sat down for a minute, but she doesn’t like it when I sit down. So we bounced for a little bit longer.

I gave her another little kiss and then said goodbye. Tears, tears, tears streaming down my face.

I walked into the baby room to find baby Nathan and Charlotte. Nathan saw me and smiled so big. I scooped him up and gave him some kisses. He smiled so big. I walked over to where baby Charlotte was getting an IV. She was sobbing uncontrollably, which didn’t make it any easier for us to say goodbye. Julia just kept saying, “I just can’t do it. I can’t.”

I set Nathan down, giving him lots of kisses, and went back to baby Charlotte. I told her we were going to help her, and she’d have to go on a little trip so some people could help her and love her so much. I prayed over her, and scratched Julia’s back as we sat with her. She was so tired, which is why she was fussy.

Julia said goodbye to her, and we were all a sobbing mess. I gave Julia a hug, reassuring her we were going to get her help. She would get better, and we’d get to see pictures of her healthy soon enough. I said it to reassure her, but soon found I was trying to convince and comfort myself, too. Those babies will be okay. I believe they will. It’s just so hard to leave it in someone else’s hands. Especially for a control freak like me. But I know that He is in control, He is sovereign, and He always knows what’s best.

I leaned down to give the nanny a hug and thank her again. She was in tears, as well. She loves those babies so much, I can tell. She works so hard day in and day out. And I’m just so thankful for her love.

Others were still saying goodbye to the kids, so I snuck back to see Sarah again. I leaned down to give her another kiss, and Ray came and jumped in my lap. I gave him a big hug and kiss, and told him I loved him. The smile on his face… it breaks my heart now. He is such a sweetheart, and so happy. Love that little boy so much.

I leaned down to give Sarah one last kiss, more tears streaming down my face. Sweet Colin came into the room and gave me a huge hug. He kept hugging me and crying. We sat for a little bit snuggling, but soon enough I could hear Steve’s dreaded voice saying, “Okay! Time to go!” The voice I had heard so many times this week, but this time it hit harder… the last time I knew I would hear it. The last time I knew I would see these kids for a very long time.

So I stood up, Colin still wrapped around my waist, and started to walk into the hallway. I leaned down and gave him a hug, and tried to walk away, but he grabbed my hand and wouldn’t let go. The nannies had to come and pull him off of me.

Heart wrenching.

It’s so hard to say goodbye.

We went down to eat dinner with the director and nannies at the orphanage. We ate quickly as we had to leave for the train soon afterwards. I sat in a daze, just recounting the last few minutes of my life.

Heart wrenching. That’s the best words for it.

After lunch we walked to the hotel to get our stuff and then drive to the bus station. Most of the nannies had come with us to the hotel. In the lobby we were telling them that we wanted them all to come back to the U.S. with us. Amy told Joy she could squeeze in the suitcase and we’d just carry her on with us. She laughed so hard and pretended to curl up small enough. We told them that they were always welcome in America at our homes if they were to come. They said they wanted to come very much… they all wanted their children to marry an American! Haha. I told Joy I would find her daughter a husband if she brought her when she got older. She laughed and said, “ohh yes!” And all the other nannies stepped up and said they wanted the same. Haha. It was so funny.

We thought that we were going to be saying goodbye to everyone there, but then they jumped on the bus with us. Annie showed them a video she had made of the kids, and they were so excited about it. They asked to get it on their camera memory card so they would have a copy.

I sat at the window watching the city where I spent the last 10 days slip away from me. I watched as my second “home” began to disappear. Tears welled up in my eyes.

When we got to the train station, we finally had to say goodbye to the nannies and director. I told the director and Helen thank you for all the hard work that they’re doing. We were all a sobbing mess, I think. The director was even crying, which meant a lot. It’s so cool to see how much she cares now. It’s just so hard to say goodbye. I’ve never been good at them. I ALWAYS cry. Ask my poor parents who have to deal with a sobbing daughter anytime I go anywhere for a long time.

I’m going to miss those nannies so much.

We walked into the train station and before we went through security I turned around to wave through the window one more time. They were all waving back. I blew a kiss, and every one of them blew one back to us. Joy’s eyes got so big and she made a funny face. Always trying to make me laugh, till the very last moment I see her. :)

And that was the last of it. And now I’m currently sitting on an 8 hour train ride to Beijing, thinking over the whole week.

As of 12 o’clock noon Friday, New Hope has not received the papers from the director giving them consent and guardianship of the heart babies. But she told us she would sign the papers today and fax/email them to the foundation soon. So we’re just praying that they get the ball rolling on that.

But I’m just praising God, because I leave the orphanage this year with a sense of peace and hope. My biggest worry last year was for those heart babies. I’m so sad that we lost one. But I’m at peace knowing that those two who are still there will be getting the care they need. I’m hopeful knowing that New Hope will be able to give them the care and treatments that they need… and even if it is to make them more comfortable before they go to meet Jesus. I am at peace. And that’s the best thing that I could ask for.  

I went back to read my blog from the last day we were in Chenzhou last year. This is what I wrote:

“It’s hard saying bye to Cassie and Sarah, because they’re special need babies. The others I KNOW will be adopted. The cute little ones and the healthy babies. But the ones with severe special needs, it’s hard to see, because I think that they’ll be here with the older kids soon. And for Sarah and Cassie, I don’t know if they’ll last much longer if they don’t gain weight and get surgery. I pray that they stay strong, and that they are fighters.”

I left with such uncertainty… not knowing if I would come back next year and see my heart babies still there. Not knowing if they would get any bigger and if they would live.

But I’m so thankful this year that I know that they will (hopefully)be sent to New Hope. I’m confident enough that the director will sign those papers SOON. She was very excited and thankful for the opportunity. I’m praising God that He has worked this whole situation with the heart babies out in less than a week, and that I know they will be getting what they need.

He is good. All the time. Our God works miracles… I have seen it first hand. And I am so thankful.

Tomorrow is just a sightseeing day. We’re going to the Great Wall in the morning and then shopping in the afternoon. We’re going to the part of the Wall where you can take a bob-sled type thing down, so I’m excited. I also need to practice up on my bargaining, haha. It should be a fun day, but I probably won’t be blogging. Just want to spend my time with the team :).

Again, thank you all for your prayers. I have felt them and they mean so much to me. You all are awesome! :)

Thursday, July 11th

Today Kathryn and I both woke up with a really bad sore throat. Hoping that goes away. I think it’s just from the smoky air or something… but we can both feel that our lymph nodes are all swollen. :( My sore in my mouth still hurts… Danielle gave me some tablets for my mouth, which helped a little, so I’m hoping those will bring it down. Thank God for Danielle!

When we got to the orphanage today, half of us went up in the elevator. When I got up there, all the kids ran out and went crazy, jumping on us and giving us hugs. I felt so loved, haha. Little Paul came and grabbed my hands and pulled my inside to sit with him. Everyone went to play with the babies, but Paul wouldn’t let me go. So I sat with him for awhile.

All he wanted to do was sit with me. Such a little snuggle bug. I scratched his back for a bit. Again, just wanting that physical touch. I know it’s so hard to be able to give all the kids that kind of attention, especially when there’s only a couple nannies in that room. But I’m glad to be able to spread it out to these kids while I’m here. This little guy is so sweet.

Every time I see Mia, she runs up to me and will give me a hug and immediately start clapping. She loves to clap ever since the other day. So I clapped with her for a little bit.



Kathryn loving on sweet Emerson for one of the last times



Beautiful baby Emerson



Help is on the way, sweet Charlotte!

I noticed out of the corner of my eye that baby Sarah had been propped up in the crib, but because she has no core muscles, she kept slipping and slipping. Eventually Paul got off of my lap, so I ran over to grab her. She had been sobbing silent tears (which is very rare for that little girl. Her heart may not work properly, but her lungs sure do! Her cry is SO loud). I snatched her up and brought her into the baby playroom with everyone else.

I sat down with her and played for a bit. I walked around the room with her for a little bit. As I was walking, I looked at the play mat and realized that there was a new little boy playing. He’s another boy with down syndrome, and so so handsome. He and Sadie were really hitting it off. She kept licking his ear and his mouth. We’re pretty sure they’re a couple now. ;)

My sweet Sarah

I got the bumbo seat out for Sarah to sit in. Last year she sat in those EVERY day, and I thought for sure that it’d help her core muscles. But it really hasn’t. I think because she’s just so tiny and she doesn’t get the nutrition she needs… her body must need a lot more than a normal baby. I propped her up and put a bow on her head. I may be a little biased… but she’s one of the most beautiful babies I’ve ever seen. She’s so sweet, her cheeks are so round and her eyelashes are so long. So sweet.

 

Sarah just needs some medical care and lots and lots of love!

She started reaching for things and grabbing them today. She’s been working on it this week, but today she saw something she really wanted and went for it right away. So that made my heart happy to see.

Joy came into the room, and I don’t know how it all started, but all the nannies started doing yoga with Annie. Haha. They’re all so goofy. I love seeing their personalities.

Yoga time with the nannies

Liz, one of the nannies, is trying to get Annie to marry her son who is in his early 20’s. It’s pretty funny. They all LOVE Annie. They think she’s the funniest thing.

After their little yoga time, Joy came over to get Sarah saying she needed to go get an IV. We were all so excited today, saying they weren’t on their IV in the morning, and they must all be better. But I guess not. Soon all of our babies were taken to get their IV’s.

Once Joy took Sarah away we all started to go back to the big kid room. Little Jesse was laying on the table when I got in there crying, so I picked her up and started bouncing her. It didn’t take long before she started giggling. She’s a very happy baby as long as someone’s holding her.

 

We started to bring the kids downstairs, but the elevator was taking forever. So I took Jesse and we walked down the stairs. She loved that.

Outside we played with the kids for a bit. We ran around to wear them out and get their energy out. Amy brought down a craft for the kids. They sat and glued strips of paper together to make a paper chain. Some of them didn’t understand the concept and would make bracelets out of it. I mean hey, whatever makes them happy, we don’t care.

 

After that we brought out those little animal capsules, that when you put them in water the sponge comes out and there’s little animal shapes. The kids loved that. They were so excited and would pull them out and show me all the animals that they found. It was very sweet.

After that we brought the kids back upstairs and into their room.

At lunch a lot of our team spent a lot of time putting together gift bags for the nannies. Today was our last full day at the orphanage, but since our train doesn’t leave Chenzhou until 2 pm tomorrow, we decided to have some time at the orphanage in the morning. We’re going to have another party like we did last year. The kids were all dressed in matching outfits today because they had been practicing for us. We’ve prepared to sing a worship song for the nannies and kids, as well. It should be a fun day. Very sad when goodbyes come around, but otherwise fun.

Back at the orphanage we spent some more time with the babies. I went to get Nathan, and his nanny again came and gave me a big hug. She has such a sweet and tender heart. Nathan saw me and smiled because he knew he was going to be picked up. Such a goober. Love that little boy.

I brought him down to the playroom and set him down to play. He just smiled all day. I went to get Sarah again and brought her in the room. Took a few more pictures of her, and then held her for a while. I want to love her as much as I can. I know she doesn’t get picked up as much as she needs… and you really can’t with that many kids. Her cry is so loud and so pitiful. Whenever she would get uncomfortable she would yell out this cry, and it was so sad. But she sat for some time before she got sick of being held. So that was good.

I played with little Nathan. He was getting closer and closer to rolling over from his belly onto his back now. He needs to work on that more, because he fusses when he gets tired of holding his head up. And when that happens he just face plants. Haha. So he needs to learn to flip around again.

After spending a good amount of time with the babies, we brought them all back to their cribs and played with the big kids. Once again, Paul came and found me and sat with me for awhile. Lena, Dora, and Ray all tried to get in my lap, too. Haha. One of the nannies got a hold of my phone and started searching through my pictures. Soon all the kids saw what she was doing and noticed that most of them were from being here. Dora and Ray looked through them all, and Dora would yell out the names of the kids whenever their picture came up. She was so excited when she found a video of her friend Lena. Ray LOVED watching a video of himself working out this morning. It was so funny. His face just lit up.

Annie came and handed sweet Sophie to me. Sophie is such a snuggle bug. She just wants to snuggle and lay her head on your shoulder. So sweet. It does good for my heart. In the midst of all the crazy, a calm child’s hug is just what I needed.

Amy brought out some cookies that she had bought and icing for the kids to ice it with. They all went CRAZY. But I mean, we expected that. Amy gave Sophie a cookie and we sat in the corner while she ate it. She got it ALL over her face. It was super cute.

All the school kids came back tonight so they could be here for the party tomorrow. So we got to see them. In fact, they joined in on the icing cookie thing. But they loved it.

Hope saw me and came running and was climbing all over me, nonstop for a good 30 minutes. She just wanted to be held and then would jump out of my arms. She loved being tickled and swung around.

I had a nice conversation with Joy today. I asked if she had an email that I could talk to her on at home, but I guess she doesn’t. At one point Steve said, “Why are you asking about this? This sounds like a goodbye, but this isn’t goodbye. You still have tomorrow!” And Joy’s eyes began to fill with tears.

And that’s when I knew.

It wasn’t going to be easy.

It will NEVER be easy.

Saying goodbye, that is.

Eventually they brought us all down to have dinner at the orphanage again. That’s the FOURTH time that we’ve eaten at the orphanage this year. And we’ve never eaten here once. So that was exciting. I like it a lot. I feel like it’s them inviting us into their homes. When we want to get to know someone better, or when we have close friends, we invite them over to our homes to eat dinner. And I think this is kind of like that.

As we sat down, Shannon prayed, but then the director said she wanted to toast us. She started talking about how she can tell we really love the kids, and that we really have made a difference. She said, “Thank you for all that you have done for the kids. Especially thank you for your help with the babies with the bad hearts.” And as she said this, she started to tear up.

This woman, who is usually so stern.

She thanked us.

And started to show that she was grateful for what we’ve done.

So naturally, I began to tear up.

The food was very good. We made sure to eat a lot, so we wouldn’t offend the orphanage. The Chinese always say that we don’t eat very much… but we really do! We ate a lot extra tonight, too. Annnd we may have moved some food around to make it look like we hate more than we actually did. Haha. But it all worked out. They even had fried banana for us! So sweet and thoughtful of them.

After dinner was finished, they said, “Are you finished? It’s time for dessert now!” And we all went, “Dessert?!” But they brought out watermelon for us to eat. It made me chuckle a little bit. Fruit is so rare for them. All the nannies say their favorite food is fruit. Must be considerably more expensive here or something. Whenever the kids get watermelon they eat the fruit all the way down to the rind.

After we finished eating they gathered us all up for a group photo. I’ll say that I’m really impressed with Steve’s “th” sound. Most Chinese people have trouble with that… but when he would say, “one, two, three” it sounded almost perfect! Haha. Okay, side note.

After that we all went around taking pictures with the nannies and staff. I asked Liz for my picture and she gave me a hug. And then I asked Joy. Oh, Joy… I could see her tears begin to form in her eyes. She looked at me and made her eyes so big and tried to be goofy. Her way of fighting back tears. Then she gave me a huge hug and kept kissing me on the cheeks. I can’t say it enough… I love her so much.

Charlie started talking to Liz and Joy about how she won’t be back again and that she’s going to miss them. And they all started bawling. Which made all of us start to bawl. *Sigh* Tomorrow is not going to be easy.

To lighten the mood, we stood in a circle and Annie did some crazy dancing. I’m telling you, they think she is the funniest thing ever. Some of the older kids that had snuck back in the room joined in. She got Taylor and Colin to do the worm with her. Haha. We all started doing the Hokey Pokey to cheer up a little.

So many tears shed tonight. And I know many more will be shed tomorrow.

It’s something that I don’t look forward to.

And from then we said our goodbyes for the night and went back to the hotel.

I have a lot of packing to do. Okay, maybe not a lot. But our room is a mess right now. Kathryn and I also did laundry today (washed it by hand) and it’s currently hanging up to dry. But I don’t think it’s anywhere close to being done. So we may be using the blow dryer to dry all of our clothes tonight. Hahaha.

Anyways, a few more prayer requests:

HEART BABIES: Last we heard, Chenzhou sent the babies' medical evaluations to New Hope in Beijing, and there may be some confusion as to the next step.  Show Hope says they're waiting for the director's consent and the director says she is waiting for the doctor's confirmation at New Hope that they'll take the babies. We're trying to work that out right now so there isn't any hangups.  Our guide, Steve, seemed surprised when we said they take all kids, and New Hope should be able to fix their hearts. He said, “Oh! It’s not too complicated?” Of course we won’t know until they get there, but they’re pretty sure they can help them. SO, pray that things are sped up, and we have papers signed TOMORROW. I would feel so at ease knowing that they have signed those, and New Hope starts working on travel arrangements.  FYI-Show Hope was founded by Steven Curtis and Mary Beth Chapman and they have partnered with New Hope foster home in Beijing to help orphans (along with a million other things they do for orphans and adoptive families).  Show Hope is AMAZING, you all!  They have advocated for these babies and are moving mountains to get these little ones the care they need.  Check them out HERE and if you're ever looking for a worthy charity...they are IT!

LAST DAY: Tomorrow is our last day… and it’s going to be sad. It was bad enough tonight. So just pray for us as we say goodbye to our friends and that we feel at peace, and that they do too.

THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH. I appreciate you more than you know.

And I'll leave you with this video of the beautiful kids we love on:

Wednesday, July 10th

“I used to pray that God would feed the hungry, or do this or that, but now I pray that he will guide me to do whatever I’m supposed to do, what I can do. I used to pray for answers, but now I’m praying for strength.”

—	Mother Teresa

Mother Teresa is one of my heroes. I look up to her in so many ways. I found this quote today on my break and I just felt like it fit so perfectly how I’m feeling right now.

This morning Amy and I were curious to see if the heart babies would be back and what information they would have on them, and if they’d be willing to share.

We went up to the orphanage and saw that baby Charlotte was getting ready to be put on an IV. The nanny in the room, who is Nathan’s nanny, saw me and came over to give me a big hug. She always has a smile on her face, and is always so cheery. Seeing Charlotte there, I quickly went to find Sarah and see if she was there. She was in the older kids’ bed room hooked up to an IV. Sweet as ever, just sitting there. I just love that little angel so much.

I walked back to the baby room to see who else was in there, and Nathan’s nanny had just finished changing him when she picked him up and handed him to me. So I brought him down to the playroom. When I got there Steve was holding papers, and he told us they were evaluations on the heart babies from last night. He read the parts that he knew how to translate (medical terms are so hard to translate between Chinese and English). He said that Charlotte’s heart condition is very severe, and the surgery is very complicated. We kind of thought that, because she’s blue. She has a few different things that she may need multiple surgeries. Sarah’s isn’t so severe. He told us that the orphanage said we could take pictures if we wanted and then send them to the doctors in Beijing. So you better believe we jumped on that. So exciting.

Nathan working on those core muscles

I played with Nathan for a bit. We’ve been working on getting him to sit up, but he just doesn’t have the strength. He’s just little. But we propped him up so he would sit up. He’d start to fall forward a little bit, but we hovered over him and prop him up.

Blossom - is she not adorable?

Shannon bought a cake for baby Blossom because her birthday is in a few days. So we all gathered around for the party. It was Nathan, Minnie, and Angelina’s first birthday party that they had ever been to. They didn’t last for long. All three of them fell asleep half way through. Such party animals.

I gave Nathan to Elyssa to hold because the nannies handed me cake to feed to the babies. I fed Ellie for a little bit, but she wasn’t very hungry for cake, so I gave Sarah (teammate) my piece of cake. By this time we decided it was time to go play with the older kids. So everyone took babies back to their cribs and I stayed back and picked up toys and cameras.

 

By the time I had picked up everything and walked into the big kid room, most of the kids had already been brought outside, so I stayed with Joy who was helping Carrie (Caroline) walk to the elevator. We rode down and when I got off one of the nannies had a big pot of mush that she was bringing up to the babies. So I held the door open for her (those elevators always close so quickly here) and the nanny said thank you. I tried to say “you’re welcome”, but must have failed miserably. Because Joy looked at me and corrected me saying, “yea xie xie”, and I said it and she laughed a little bit. She corrected me once again, and then I repeated it and she clapped and gave me a big hug. :) Just got a little Mandarin lesson from Joy today. Love her.

When we got outside there wasn’t much going on. Yesterday Kathryn and I bought Sydney a dress because she’s always dressed in boys clothes. And she literally looks like a boy. So we gave her the dress, which was fun. Throughout the end of the day she put her shorts back on underneath it because she likes that. But now she looks like a girl, haha.

Since there wasn’t much going on, Amy and I went back up again to get some tattoos to give the kids. And then we had to cut them all up, which took quite a bit of time.

We took them outside and discretely started showing the kids one by one the tattoos, but then all the kids seemed to find out and they all went crazy. Haha. They loved them, though. Dora was working her way to getting herself some tattoo sleeves. Taylor was getting them all over the place. Legs, arms, face, you name it.

Our guide, Steve

Every day that we’re outside this older lady with some mental disability will come out and stand next to Steve (our guide) and sing to him. The first day we could tell he felt a little awkward, but now he’s so sweet and will sit with her and listen and then sing back to her sometimes. Steve’s awesome.

We brought the kids back upstairs eventually and got them settled in and had to leave.

A few of us went to the market before lunch to get drinks and what not. We were checking out and all these Chinese people kept trying to cut us in line. They’re so rude and unaware of their space sometimes. It was interesting. Then Danielle wanted to go and look at the shoe stores downstairs, so we walked around for a bit. A lady who spoke very good English came up and started helping us. I told her that her English was very good and she just giggled and said thank you. I’ve noticed that more people than I expected speak English here. KFC has quite a few workers whose English is fairly good. I’ve been impressed.

We decided not to go back to the orphanage in the afternoon because we were going shopping for shoes, underwear and other things for the kids then. Though some of us didn’t go with because we didn’t want to get in the way or overcrowd everyone.

They came back with a lot of clothes for the kids, but didn’t find the shoes they were looking for, for the price that we wanted. So, we’re hoping to find another store for those.

We went to KFC for dinner tonight. We got lots of stares and people asking for pictures. The usual. We also go ice cream which was wonderful.

I haven’t been feeling 100% today. Little sick. Woke up with a sore throat, and another sore in my mouth which makes it hard to eat anything. I also started reacting to something (I don’t know what… because it came out of the blue) and my eye started puffing up. But that’s nothing benadryl can’t fix. I’ve been exhausted all day. So I’m not sure what’s up. But I’d appreciate prayers. Tomorrow is the last day, so I’m hoping to feel better for that.

The orphanage director still has not signed the consent for the heart babies transfer to New Hope in Beijing.  PLEASE pray with me that she signs soon.  I think baby Charlotte will need heart surgery soon if anything can be done for her!

 

Tuesday, July 9th

BIG news from today. Big things are happening with the heart babies, and I’m so excited. God is so good!

Today at the orphanage we decided to switch things up a little bit. Shannon thought it would be better to spend an hour in with the babies and then the rest of the time with the big kids.

This morning it seemed like all of the babies were on an IV. They say they’re sick with a cold or fever, so they’ve been giving them the fluids to make them better.

We grabbed a few babies and brought them down to the baby playroom. We sat and played with the babies for a bit. Nathan must be getting new teeth in because he LOVES to chew on his fingers and mine. By the end of the hour I had drool all down my arms, haha.

When the time came to bring them back to their cribs, I set Nathan down on his back, and he immediately flipped over on his stomach and looked up at me. I gave him a little kiss goodbye and he looked at me and started to cry. It broke my heart.

I walked into the room where the older kids were, and most of our team had brought them down already. Carrie was left in the room, so I waited with her while she used her walker to get to the elevator. Sarah decided to stay with me and help. Carrie does well with the walker, but she’s still a little slow with it. She’s just not used to being able to walk. I think once she uses it a lot, she’ll be able to run around with it.

Once we got outside, all the kids were blowing bubbles. Annie brought really cool Gymboree bubbles and bubble blowers, and the kids love those. Little Ray loves to blow bubbles. Drew kept trying again today. He kept spitting all his drool at the blower, but he eventually got some bubbles out and he was SO proud! :)

 

 

I sat down and sweet Cameron came up to me again today. So I started to rub his back a little bit. He absolutely loves it. He eventually came and sat in my lap, once again, and laid on my shoulder. He’s such a sweetheart. Just wants that physical touch. I had Julia blow bubbles to him and he LOVED it. His face lit up and he smiled so big.

When he got tired of sitting in my lap and left, little Penelope came and sat in my lap. I rubbed her back, as well. She kept looking at me with a tiny bit of a smile while I rubbed her back. She loved that, too. Soon I started to run my hands through her hair, and then I scratched her legs a little bit, and she reacted with a big smile. All they want is that physical touch. That soft touch of simply getting their back rubbed or scratched—something that we get all the time at home. I eventually warmed her up to letting me rub her belly, and then I started tickling her. She laughed and laughed. That’s the first time that I’ve seen her open up this trip, and it did good for my heart to see that. She’s a sweetheart. She’s very quiet, but she’s sweet.

Julia had given little Lena one of her bracelets yesterday, and today she was wearing it as a ponytail on the top of her head.  I kept calling her Cindy Lu Hoo all day. She was so cute.

Eventually she saw something that caught her attention so she got up and ran off to find it. Annie had recorded a video that Jian’s (Macy’s) mom had posted on her blog with pictures of them getting Jian and then coming home. Which, I will say, made me cry so hard the first time I saw it. The song that she put the pictures to was the Ho Hey cover by Lennon and Maisy, which we’ve been listening to in our rooms everyday throughout this trip, and the song is just SO sweet. Anyways, I went to get Annie’s camera to show Jian’s nanny, Joy. When I went up to see her and show her the video she recognized the pictures of Jian’s mom and dad and said, “Oh! Jian!” And I smiled. She and another one of the nannies sat and watched it. They smiled and laughed at some of the pictures. They loved seeing the one of her swimming. They asked me on a few where they were, and when they saw the picture of their house they went, “oohh! So pretty!” and smiled when they saw her looking in her room. They again told me that they missed her very much, but they were so happy that she was happy in America. It was so sweet.

I stood with Joy and then rubbed her arm a little bit and she smiled and laughed, because she must’ve been ticklish. She made a face like, “Ohh that feels good!” So I kept doing it a bit and she kept laughing. It was funny. Then she decided to scratch my back a little bit, too. She is precious.



Precious Little Sarah

I eventually brought the big kids inside and back up to their room because it was time to leave. When we got into their room I noticed sweet Sarah was in the crib lying down. I went over to give her a kiss and noticed that she was so clean. They must’ve bathed her today. So I gave her kisses all around.

We ate at the hotel again today. After lunch Julia, Makenna and I went to get ice cream from KFC again… because the rest of the team had gone before lunch without us. *sigh* But it still tasted so good. Can’t get over it.

Back at the orphanage we spent most of our afternoon with the babies. As we walked up to the orphanage I could hear little Sarah’s cry. She has such a distinctive and loud cry. It’s so pitiful. When we got upstairs I went to the big kid room to get Sarah and then brought her into the playroom again. She had big alligator tears on her cheeks. :’( The nannies had propped her up in the crib to be sitting up, so she didn’t like that at all and cried. In the baby room I rocked her around the room. She always has to be rocking or bouncing up and down… she just likes that stimulation. Otherwise she just cries. When she’s lying down she rocks her head back and forth and kicks her legs a lot. But if I’m not rocking her while I’m holding her, and she can’t rock her head at all, she starts to get fussy. So I have to always be rocking/bouncing and walking. I walked by the air conditioning unit a few times and kind of lingered and every time she would wince a little bit and get fussy. I guess they’re just so used to it being hot (like, her shirt was literally soaked with sweat today), that when they get cold it shocks them. Oh well.

As I was walking around with Sarah, Amy was walking and talking with baby Charlotte. We gave them a little pep talk and I prayed for them as I walked around. Amy told little Sadie, our cheerleader, that she needed to do a cheer for Sarah and Charlotte, that they need to fight! Haha, I love it. It made me laugh. Love her sense of humor. So thankful for Amy and Julia.

As we were still rocking, we got some GREAT news about the heart babies. After my meeting with Helen yesterday, I emailed  Cathy at Show Hope with Sarah and Charlotte's (the two heart babies) information and the orphanage’s contact information, and told Helen that these were my “friends”, and they’d be contacting them. Today Helen came into the play room with a few sheets of paper and asked us if this email she had printed off was from my “friends” I had told her about. Amy read the email aloud to Julia and I. Tears welled up in my eyes as I read all that was being offered—all that these babies could receive from these wonderful people. I told her these were the people I was talking about, and asked her what she thought about the email, if she was open to that, etc. She said she was, and that they were going to get a CT scan on the girls and then send it to New Hope (not quite sure it was a CT scan, pretty sure they meant some kind of heart scan, because things get lost in translation). We were all so excited. Helen said the director still has to approve it, and that she will think it over.

Beautiful Baby Charlotte

Baby Charlotte needs heart surgery to make those toes a healthy pink!

So here’s where you all come in: PRAY. Pray that the director is open to this, that she sees this as a great opportunity for the babies. I genuinely believe that the director is trying to help the kids and she wants what’s best for them. So I think that she will be open to it. We’re just praying and believing that she is. Our God has already done so much already, we’re believing that He will take it all the way. I believe He can. Please pray with us?

So we were so excited about everything. All three of us had tears in our eyes and were just beaming.

Sarah had started crying while we were talking to Helen and getting super fussy, and was tired of me holding her. So I sat her on a cushion on the ground. She started grinding her teeth again, so I tried to find a teething toy for her, but she wouldn’t chew on it for too long. But she was grabbing it and trying to get it in her mouth for a little while. I was so excited about that.

Little Sarah (a tiny 2 1/2 years old) on her way to the hospital with Joy

I went to pick up another baby who was crying and then Joy (the head nanny) came running into the playroom and checked Sarah’s diaper and then ran out of the room with her. She was carrying a bag so I looked over at Shannon and Steve and they said that they were bringing the babies to the hospital RIGHT THEN to get the scan. Which is HUGE. It was literally 20 minutes after I had confirmed with Helen. PRAISE GOD.

So I ran out to the hallway to see if they were bringing baby Charlotte, too. Julia said, “oh they just went to change her diaper.” And when I told her and Amy that they were bringing her to the hospital, we were all just so excited. We waved them off, Julia ran to give her baby a kiss and they were off. I prayed a silent prayer that everything would go okay. GOD IS GOOD.

We all stood there in the hallway completely amazed, tears in our eyes, praising God. He is so good. There is hope. We’ve come a long way this week…from believing there was nothing that I could do for these babies, to making steps to getting them to receive the care they need.

I’m so excited. I can’t even express how happy I am right now. Ahhhhh!

I think it’s a good sign that they were so willing to get the scans done so soon. Hope. There is Hope. HE is our Hope.

I went back to the playroom and played with Nathan for a little bit. He eventually got very sleepy and so I held him and started rocking him. He instantly fell asleep when I picked him up and put him in my arms. His nanny came around a few minutes later with a bottle and told me to wake him up. I tried to wake him up, but he was OUT. I sat him up and tried a bunch of different think and he would not wake up. Finally I got him to open his eyes just briefly enough that I stuck the bottle in his mouth. He sucked it down, half awake, half sleeping. It was the first time he ate his bottle without getting the formula ALL over him.

When he finished I brought him back into the baby room and laid him in his crib. He actually woke up, which was sad. But he was fine. He rolled over and looked all around. On the way out I gave his nanny a hug and told her thank you. She smiled really big. She’s always smiling. She has so much to do with those babies, but she always has a smile on her face. We found out today that she lives about 1 ½ hours away… and she stays here most of the time except for the holidays. I thought that was interesting.

I went into the big kid room and they were playing with some scratch off crafts that Amy had brought. Most of the kids had someone helping them, so I sat down and watched for a little bit. Mia tried to take someone’s camera at one point, so I stepped in and got her away, and hugged her in my lap for a little bit. Then I gave her a kiss on the cheek. She kind of looked at me, studied my eyes for a little bit, and then put her cheek towards my face, like she wanted me to give her another kiss. So I did, and she laughed. One of the nannies had called her over to finish her craft. I looked over at her and she was looking at me. I smiled at her and she smirked a little bit. She would go back to her craft, look up at me, and then see I was smiling at her and smile so big. She repeated that a bunch. Her nanny was saying, “pai pai sho” (that is definitely not how it’s spelled, so sorry about that haha), which I realized from my sister’s Chinese videos was what they say for “clap clap”. I eventually waved Mia over. She kind of just looked at me funny, and then eventually came to sit with me. She would have me scratch some of the paper off, and then she would want me to clap. We did this for a good 20 minutes straight. I’m sure the people around me were so annoyed. I would clap and say, “yayy!” or “clap clap” or “pai pai sho”. She thought it was so funny. And she loved it. When we finished the whole craft, I said it was all done, and she looked at me, we clapped, and then she gave me a big ol’ hug. And wouldn’t let go for awhile. She’s a sweetie.

 

By then Steve was saying, “Okay, time to go!” and so we picked up a little bit. Mia dragged me to the corner of the room where a few other kids were, and she wanted me to keep clapping. So I would clap with them while saying “clap clap” in Chinese. I walked into the playroom to get my stuff, Mia still following me and us both clapping and repeating “clap clap”. She laughed and laughed. Along with a few other kids that we walked by in the hallway.

I said goodbye and she didn’t want to let go of me. But I gave her a kiss and she smiled so big.

Agh. I’m just so overwhelmed with all the good that today brought. God seems to know just what we need and when we need it. And I am SO thankful. Singing praises to God tonight.

I just wanted to thank you all who have prayed with me in this whole pursuit of helping the heart babies. Words cannot express my gratitude to you all. Please continue to pray that things move along and that we can get them moved to New Hope in Beijing where they can get the surgery they need. So excited about what God is doing. So thankful for all my prayer warriors back home.

Sarah thanks you for praying for her!  God is listening, people!

 

Monday, July 8th

Monday, July 8^th

“I just don’t have the patience for him today.”

Those are the words I said to one of my teammates after a little boy ripped a craft out of another girl’s hands.

They’re just so mean to one another. They hit. They kick. They take things from each other. It’s survival of the fittest. It truly is. This is reality for these kids. Of course, some are worse than others. Some are very helpful and caring for one another. But today, he was not being pleasant.

And today my patience was wearing thin. I was drained from having to control children.

We are all so exhausted by the end of the day. By the afternoon, for that matter.

And we get to leave.

Can you imagine how those nannies feel? They are there, day in and day out, morning to evening caring for those kids. We’re here for two weeks and then leave. We leave for lunch, and we leave at night. We get a break. They do not.

I just have so much respect for them. Joy tells me that she is sleepy almost daily, but you know what her attitude is? Joyful. She smiles all day, she truly loves those kids, all day. She’s truly an inspiration.

You know how many infants are in one room? Twelve. You know how many nannies are in there to care for them all? One. And that poor lady runs around like crazy doing so much. All day. She feeds them all, she changes them all, she mops, cleans, and washes clothes. All in a room with no air conditioning, nonetheless.

I will just say, I have such respect for them.

Anyways, on to the day.

My alarm clock went off this morning and I was so tired, so I hit the snooze button and slept through breakfast. I was able to talk to my family today, so that was a lot of fun.

When we got to the orphanage, we walked down the hall to put our stuff in the baby playroom. As I passed the door to where the older kids are, I saw sweet Dora standing there with silent tears running down her face. So I stopped and gave her a hug and some kisses. As soon as I bent down all the nannies saw her and tried to get her to cheer up for me. She was in no such mood, so I just picked her up and carried her to the playroom. After putting my stuff down I grabbed her and tickled her a bit and swung her around which made her laugh a little bit. I picked her up and held her in front of the air conditioner (because at this point we’re all dripping with sweat), and she just giggled. She was like, “ahhhh”. She loved it.

She then took my hand and we ran down to the big kid room. She was so excited to have us there. I gave little Lena a big hug, too.

Denis and Taylor in their new shirts!

Kathryn brought some tshirts with her school’s football name on it and she gave them to two of the boys, Taylor and Denis. She wore hers today, so I showed them that they were wearing the same shirt and Denis didn’t want to put it on. One of the nannies asked if it was a girls shirt, and I said “ohh no! IT’s a boy’s. She’s just wearing a boy’s shirt today.” And then the boys put it on. Haha. It was kind of funny.

We took all the kids downstairs, in the elevator Lena kept copying everything that I would say. She’s so smart. I told her to say, “Good morning” and she repeated it back to me, clear as day.

When we got outside Amy and I started blowing up balloons and giving them to the kids to play with. They thoroughly enjoyed that. The simplest things impress these kids. We gave one to Lena and she just shrieked with joy and began jumping up and down.

Little Ray loved the balloons the most. By the end of the morning he had a whole collection of about 6 or 7 balloons all tied to each other. He would prance around and show everyone his balloons and then smile SO big when we acknowledged them.

Julia pulled out her balloon animals and started making those. The kids really enjoyed that.

Julia making animal balloons

 

Dora with her balloon

 

Taylor was found crying at one point, and no one knew what was wrong with him. It was the first time I’ve ever seen him thoroughly upset. He was bawling his eyes out. Turns out all he wanted to do was help Julia blow up the balloons. We thought he wanted the balloon animal, but turns out he wanted to just help blow them up. So we let him do that for awhile.

Lena blowing up balloons

After Taylor was done blowing up balloons, I filled in for him. Lena came over and she wanted to blow them up so I held the balloon on the pump while she did it. She thought it was the funniest thing. I blew the air from the pump in her face, and she loved that, too.

Charlie asked Joy to get a picture with her, so I took it for them. After I took the picture Joy asked to see it. Once she saw it she pointed to her belly and started acting like she was fat. Which is not AT ALL true. I made a face saying she wasn’t. She lifted her shirt up a little bit as if saying, “Oh please, look at this.” And so I lifted mine up a little to show her my little belly fat, too. She made a face at me. So I looked over at the workout equipment and pointed at it to her and kind of motioned that we needed to work out. So I went over there and started working out, and she just laughed at me. I love her so much.

I sat down on a chair outside and was just observing for a little bit when Cameron, a little boy with down syndrome, came up and stood next to me. So I started rubbing his back while we both kind of looked around for a little bit. These kids just look for any kind of physical touch. He eventually came and sat down in my lap and put his head on my shoulder as I rubbed his back.

After the kids got tired of playing with balloons, we took them all inside for a craft. When we moved the table to the center of the room, they all started to get so excited knowing that we were doing a craft with them.

We brought out foam flowers and some foamy stickers to put on them. I showed Lena how to peel the backs of the stickers off and stick them on her flower, and from there she went on. Some of the stickers were a half circle that had layers that pulled apart like a rainbow almost. I took one and put it on the outside of a pedal on her flower, and she immediately copied me and put the rest of them on the pedal. She’s so smart. She’s so particular about her crafts. I’m telling you, if she had Pintrest, she’d be all over it. :)

And that’s when a little boy came by and took her flower she was working so hard on. She cried and cried. And that’s when I got upset. There were lots of things that I saw him do this morning that frustrated me. But that was the final straw.

We got it back from him and Lena finished her flower. Everyone took the kids back upstairs to the room, but she and I stayed for a bit longer because she wanted to finish. She’s that particular, haha.

After that I took her back upstairs. We had a few minutes left there, so a few of us went to check on the babies. I went to pick up my sweet Nathan, and he was happy as ever. Julia went to see Charlotte (the blue heart baby). She was on the IV and she noticed that her hand was all puffed up. The doctor that put her on the IV didn’t put the needle in right. She must’ve missed her vein or something, and all the fluid was building up in her hand and arm. It was so sad. I ran to grab Emily, who volunteers as an EMT, to see if she could help or something. As I was walking back Lena ran out from her room and gave my legs a big hug. She’s so sweet. I gave her one back and she giggled.

Elyssa, Danielle, and I had dropped off laundry yesterday, so we went to pick that up on our way back to the hotel. The lady that took our laundry yesterday wasn’t there, and it was a man. He had no idea what he was doing. He was such a man. Watching him fold his clothes and figure out whose clothes was whose was funny. It took him forever, though.

Elyssa's ice cream

After that, Kathryn, Elyssa, Charlie, Danielle and I all went to KFC to get some soft serve ice cream. Only $0.50 USD for a cone. Not too bad. It was literally the best ice cream I’ve ever tasted in my life, haha. We were all SO excited about it. We’re not used to cold things anymore, that it shocked me at first. But I can’t complain. It was SO good.



After lunch we went to the orphanage and played with the babies.

I went into the baby room to grab Nathan and then brought him back to the play room. I sat in there and played with him for a little bit. We spent some time in there with the babies. Sweet Sadie, a little baby with special needs, kept stretching like crazy. We call her our little cheerleader because she’s so flexible and stretches all the time. She always looks at her fingers like she’s looking at her fingernails like they’re so pretty. She’s such a little princess. She’s so funny.

 

Amy, Julia and I took Steve (our translator/guide) to talk to Helen (the nanny that deals with the children's paperwork) about the heart babies. We had a very good conversation with Helen about them. We were careful with our words, telling them that we believed they were doing a good job, but we would like to help. We asked about a few options that we’re exploring right now, and they seemed very open to it. So PLEASE pray for those babies. Believing that God will work some miracles there.

Getting love from Kathryn

 

After that we spent some more time in the baby room. I clipped Minnie’s finger nails because they were so long. Minnie is a sweet little preemie, who is probably 2-3 months old, and has down syndrome. As I was clipping them she fell asleep. She’s such a sweetheart.

After that I found Nathan again and sat him in my lap and rocked him back and forth. He eventually fell asleep in my lap. He was so tired from working so hard on sitting up and holding his head up. Such a big boy.

Steve came into the play room and announced, “Okay, time to go now.” So we all went to bring our babies back. I managed to keep Nathan asleep when I put him down. On our way out the nanny in the baby room stepped out to wave goodbye, and I said goodbye and rubbed her arm on the way out and smiled at her. She turned around and smiled really big. The simplest things can mean so much to people. I have to remember that. I hope they know that we think they’re doing a good job.

Anyways, today I’ll just ask that you pray for the heart babies. I’m working on that, believing for something big to come from that. The Lord is sovereign over every situation. He knows what He is doing with those babies. I just pray that we can help them. I’m trying in every way that I know how.

 Also pray for our team. We’re a little over halfway through the week and we’re getting tired and worn down. Pray for strength and endurance. Also pray for the nannies. If this is how we feel, I can only imagine how they feel at the end of the day.