It’s the day that we’ve all been dreading since we got here.
The day we would say goodbye. Some of us would say goodbye
forever, some it would only be for a year… and some wouldn’t know how long
their goodbye would be for.
No matter how long it may be before we see our friends
again, or how many times we’ve been before, we were all torn up about it.
We began our day like any other. We were able to sleep in a
little bit today because the orphanage didn’t want us there until 9. Which was
a huge blessing, because I was up for a long time blogging and packing last
night.
Once we got to the orphanage, they had us go straight to
floor 9 where we had our party last year. They had lined the tables with a ton
of fruit, but we couldn’t eat any of it because they had washed it with water.
I guess Joy eventually made Charlie and Kathryn eat some. But I somehow made it
out without eating the fruit. I used to feel really bad if we didn’t eat their
food, but all the nannies and kids eat it otherwise. And I’m sure if they have
even more leftovers, the elderly eat it.
Before the party started and before the kids came up, Amy,
Julia, and I pulled the director aside and asked about the heart babies one
last time before we left. She told us they were hoping to hear back from the
New Hope doctors, and if they were still willing to take the girls. Chenzhou
was just worried that Charlotte’s heart was too severe for surgery. I think the
director was confused, because New Hope would take them no matter what, even if
she wasn’t operable. So I told her she didn’t need to wait, that I talked to my
friends there, and they’re just waiting for her to sign the consent forms, and
they’ll start travel arrangements right away. She said she was willing to do that,
and that she would do that today. I guess during the party she got a call from
New Hope saying they were still willing to take the girls. So I think that put
the director’s mind at ease, as well. Praise God. I’m just praying that she
signed those as soon as she got back today.
I’m just going to say that I’m so thankful for Amy and
Julia. They have been so supportive and just as passionate about helping the heart babies as I have
been. Amy has been emailing contacts of hers trying to help, as well. Julia
loves these babies just as much as me, and she loves them well. I’m so proud of
Julia. She is 14, and she is already
trying so hard to make a difference in these beautiful babies’ lives. I’m so
blessed to call them my friends. I know that God placed them on the team this
year to help me with those heart babies. And I couldn’t be more thankful for
them.
Soon enough the little kids came upstairs and were so
excited to have the party with us. Charlie, my little boy from the first couple
of years, has gotten SO big. He looks just like a teenager. He’s so much bigger
and just looks older. I was so shocked to see him. They grow up so fast! He
came and gave me a big hug.
His parents gave us a package for him, so Shannon gave it to
him. He took out the album and studied every single picture in it. He’s a very
shy boy, so he was being very quiet and reserved as he opened it. He later went
to show some of the nannies all the pictures that he had gotten. He loved that.
Liz came around with necklaces for everyone. They hall had a
four leaf clover in a different type of shape. She gave Elyssa and I one with
wings on it. She later told us that it was a kiss from her. :)
Soon enough the party started. A few of the kids went up to
do a little dance. I forget what they called it, but it was cute. For the next dance, the nannies put a hat and
sunglasses on Taylor and Dennis. They called it a “Street dance”, which made us
laugh, these little Chinese boys trying to do some hip hop and what not. It was
really funny. :)
We went up to sing a song. We sang the worship song “You are Holy” by Michael
W. Smith. Our guide, Steve, came to a few of our devotions in the hotel room at night where we practiced,
and he said he wanted to sing with us. So he came up and sang some, too. The
nannies and kids enjoyed it. Shannon had printed off the words in Chinese for
them to read along with us. When I had looked down from the stage they were all
swaying back and forth, and the director was singing along with us. It was just
cool to see.
They sang a few more songs for us, one with the whole
orphanage staff and kids. I was doing so well in not crying until the very end
of their song of thanks, when they all yelled at the end, “Sank you!!” (which
translates to “thank you” ;)).
That’s when all the tears started.
They cut a cake and gave us all HUGE pieces. I couldn’t eat
it all, haha. The white chocolate that they had all over the cake was
wonderful, though. I could’ve eaten that forever. I don’t usually like white
chocolate at home… but the crazy thing about being in a culture that is so
different, and eating food that is so different, anything that tastes like home
tastes good. Kind of like the KFC, I NEVER eat there at home (I don’t think we
even have one in my town…?), or any fast food place for that matter, but it
just tastes like home, because it’s fast food. Haha.
We exchanged gifts with the director and nannies. They gave
us these really cute volunteer pins made specifically for the Chenzhou
orphanage. They also gave us a pen, mirror, and business card. It was so sweet.
I loved the pin the most.
Steve told us to go down to floor 5 to say goodbye to the
kids. He said, “Okay, you have 10 minutes!” Which definitely wasn’t long
enough. Most of us stayed a lot longer than that.
I went to find sweet baby Sarah, who had just gotten off of
her IV for the morning. I asked her nanny if I could pick her up, and she said
yes. So I picked her up and she didn’t even fuss. I prayed for her and held her
tight. And that’s when I lost it. Tears began to fill my eyes as I thanked God
for her precious life. And I know that if I care this much about a little girl
I barely know… He must love her immeasurably more. I know he has a plan for her
life, and I’m glad that I could be a part of it so far.
Sweet little Ray came and pulled up a little chair for me
and told me to sit with her. Such a sweetheart. I sat down for a minute, but
she doesn’t like it when I sit down. So we bounced for a little bit longer.
I gave her another little kiss and then said goodbye. Tears,
tears, tears streaming down my face.
I walked into the baby room to find baby Nathan and
Charlotte. Nathan saw me and smiled so big. I scooped him up and gave him some
kisses. He smiled so big. I walked over to where baby Charlotte was getting an
IV. She was sobbing uncontrollably, which didn’t make it any easier for us to
say goodbye. Julia just kept saying, “I just can’t do it. I can’t.”
I set Nathan down, giving him lots of kisses, and went back
to baby Charlotte. I told her we were going to help her, and she’d have to go
on a little trip so some people could help her and love her so much. I prayed
over her, and scratched Julia’s back as we sat with her. She was so tired,
which is why she was fussy.
Julia said goodbye to her, and we were all a sobbing mess. I
gave Julia a hug, reassuring her we were going to get her help. She would get
better, and we’d get to see pictures of her healthy soon enough. I said it to
reassure her, but soon found I was trying to convince and comfort myself, too.
Those babies will be okay. I believe they will. It’s just so hard to leave it in
someone else’s hands. Especially for a control freak like me. But I know that
He is in control, He is sovereign, and He always knows what’s best.
I leaned down to give the nanny a hug and thank her again.
She was in tears, as well. She loves those babies so much, I can tell. She
works so hard day in and day out. And I’m just so thankful for her love.
Others were still saying goodbye to the kids, so I snuck
back to see Sarah again. I leaned down to give her another kiss, and Ray came
and jumped in my lap. I gave him a big hug and kiss, and told him I loved him.
The smile on his face… it breaks my heart now. He is such a sweetheart, and so
happy. Love that little boy so much.
I leaned down to give Sarah one last kiss, more tears
streaming down my face. Sweet Colin came into the room and gave me a huge hug.
He kept hugging me and crying. We sat for a little bit snuggling, but soon
enough I could hear Steve’s dreaded voice saying, “Okay! Time to go!” The voice
I had heard so many times this week, but this time it hit harder… the last time
I knew I would hear it. The last time I knew I would see these kids for a very
long time.
So I stood up, Colin still wrapped around my waist, and
started to walk into the hallway. I leaned down and gave him a hug, and tried to
walk away, but he grabbed my hand and wouldn’t let go. The nannies had to come
and pull him off of me.
Heart wrenching.
It’s so hard to say goodbye.
We went down to eat dinner with the director and nannies at
the orphanage. We ate quickly as we had to leave for the train soon afterwards.
I sat in a daze, just recounting the last few minutes of my life.
Heart wrenching. That’s the best words for it.
After lunch we walked to the hotel to get our stuff and then
drive to the bus station. Most of the nannies had come with us to the hotel. In
the lobby we were telling them that we wanted them all to come back to the U.S.
with us. Amy told Joy she could squeeze in the suitcase and we’d just carry her
on with us. She laughed so hard and pretended to curl up small enough. We told
them that they were always welcome in America at our homes if they were to
come. They said they wanted to come very much… they all wanted their children
to marry an American! Haha. I told Joy I would find her daughter a husband if
she brought her when she got older. She laughed and said, “ohh yes!” And all
the other nannies stepped up and said they wanted the same. Haha. It was so funny.
We thought that we were going to be saying goodbye to
everyone there, but then they jumped on the bus with us. Annie showed them a
video she had made of the kids, and they were so excited about it. They asked
to get it on their camera memory card so they would have a copy.
I sat at the window watching the city where I spent the last
10 days slip away from me. I watched as my second “home” began to disappear.
Tears welled up in my eyes.
When we got to the train station, we finally had to say
goodbye to the nannies and director. I told the director and Helen thank you
for all the hard work that they’re doing. We were all a sobbing mess, I think.
The director was even crying, which meant a lot. It’s so cool to see how much
she cares now. It’s just so hard to say goodbye. I’ve never been good at them.
I ALWAYS cry. Ask my poor parents who have to deal with a sobbing daughter
anytime I go anywhere for a long time.
I’m going to miss those nannies so much.
We walked into the train station and before we went through
security I turned around to wave through the window one more time. They were
all waving back. I blew a kiss, and every one of them blew one back to us.
Joy’s eyes got so big and she made a funny face. Always trying to make me
laugh, till the very last moment I see her. :)
And that was the last of it. And now I’m currently sitting
on an 8 hour train ride to Beijing, thinking over the whole week.
As of 12 o’clock noon Friday, New Hope has not received the
papers from the director giving them consent and guardianship of the heart
babies. But she told us she would sign the papers today and fax/email them to
the foundation soon. So we’re just praying that they get the ball rolling on
that.
But I’m just praising God, because I leave the orphanage
this year with a sense of peace and hope. My biggest worry last year was for
those heart babies. I’m so sad that we lost one. But I’m at peace knowing that
those two who are still there will be getting the care they need. I’m hopeful
knowing that New Hope will be able to give them the care and treatments that
they need… and even if it is to make them more comfortable before
they go to meet Jesus. I am at peace.
And that’s the best thing that I could ask for.
I went back to read my blog from the last day we were in
Chenzhou last year. This is what I wrote:
“It’s hard saying bye
to Cassie and Sarah, because they’re special need babies. The others I KNOW
will be adopted. The cute little ones and the healthy babies. But the ones with
severe special needs, it’s hard to see, because I think that they’ll be here
with the older kids soon. And for Sarah and Cassie, I don’t know if they’ll
last much longer if they don’t gain weight and get surgery. I pray that they
stay strong, and that they are fighters.”
I left with such uncertainty… not knowing if I would come
back next year and see my heart babies still there. Not knowing if they would
get any bigger and if they would live.
But I’m so thankful this year that I know that they will (hopefully)be
sent to New Hope. I’m confident enough that the director will sign those papers
SOON. She was very excited and thankful for the opportunity. I’m praising God
that He has worked this whole situation with the heart babies out in less than
a week, and that I know they will be getting what they need.
He is good. All the time. Our God works miracles… I have
seen it first hand. And I am so thankful.
Tomorrow is just a sightseeing day. We’re going to the Great
Wall in the morning and then shopping in the afternoon. We’re going to the part
of the Wall where you can take a bob-sled type thing down, so I’m excited. I
also need to practice up on my bargaining, haha. It should be a fun day, but I
probably won’t be blogging. Just want to spend my time with the team :).
Again, thank you all for your prayers. I have felt them and
they mean so much to me. You all are awesome! :)
