China On My Mind

Recently, I've had China on my mind.

It seems all I can think about is China, China, China.

Every time I flip through a magazine, there's China. Or simply through my house... so many Chinese decorations.

Recently, every time I close my eyes to sleep, I'm greeted with beautiful Chinese faces with almond eyes from the orphanage I've visited. The dreams of China just won't stop.

Even today I was in class doing a writing prompt, and my friend says to me, "Hey! Let's write about the "your" kids in China." (yes, she said "your").

I've been reading "Kisses from Katie" by Katie Davis, and whenever she mentions Uganda and her love for it and the children, I think about how much I love CHINA and the KIDS I've met there.

CHINA CHINA CHINA.

It's been popping so much so that now I'll look at the clock when I wake up in the morning and go, "hmm, I wonder what the orphanage is doing right now. Probably eating, getting ready for bed, or sleeping..." and when I go to bed, "Oh, the kids are probably starting their day now. The oldest, Will and June, in school, and the younger kids studying at the orphanage."

Recently, the memories from my last trip has been popping into my head. Like, seeing Will for the first time in a year, and him grabbing my hand and running me down the hall to play IMMEDIATELY after being reunited.

Or memories of hugging "Miss Crazy", a beautiful little girl, after she gave me her drawing... the giggle that she made from my tight squeeze, reminding me that this sort of love from strangers is so unreal.

Or picking up a crying infant, one who lays in her crib all day long in a hot stuffy room, and hearing her cry turn to soft breathing and she looks in your eyes with curiosity.

Memories like coloring with a girl who has severe cerebral palsy, and mostly forgotten, haunt me.

China is always there.

I wake up thinking about it, and I go to bed thinking about it.

I try to find a way to relate things to China or my experiences there or the kids who have come home or the kids who are still there.

Why? I ask God the same question.

But as I read Kisses from Katie, or look through pictures and tear up, I can't deny a longing to be back. A deep desire to be there RIGHT now. My heart aches thinking that I can't be there to squeeze them all day long, and color with them, or play games.

I MISS MY KIDS.

I've recently gotten a job and started to save every bit of money I possibly can so I can return to see the beautiful faces once again. I'm praying and hoping that I'll be able go back in the summer.

But in spite of that, there are some days when I just wish I could pack up and return. Right NOW.

But God has a plan. He knows what He's doing in my life. I can only hope and pray that apart of that plan is for me to return to the other half of my heart. Again, again, and again.

I don't really know what to make of all of this. Sometimes thinking of China puts me in a bad mood, longing to be there but being stuck here, half a world away. But most days it puts me in a good mood, thinking and remembering all the wonderful memories I've made with my Chenzhou kids and nannies.

Like I said, I don't know what to make of all of this. I don't know what the Lord is trying to tell me. I don't know when the answer to my prayers will come. I don't know when these pangs of missing China will end.

All I know is, I've had China on my mind.

The Older I Get...

I go to a small private Christian school. They teach what we call "classical" education... which in so many words is like saying we do everything with a Christian worldview tagged to the end of it. It's always been a very small school, which honestly, I don't understand. It's wonderful. The education and community.

Well, this year we have had the privilege of opening up our lower school, so now we are a K-12 school. And can I just say, I LOVE having this kids around?

These kids brighten my day. And to be more specific, the K-2nd graders. I love all of them to death. For some reason that has always been my favorite age of kids... I love seeing how their brains work, seeing the joy they find, and the simplicity of life. Spending time with them is like seeing the world through a whole new lens.

Obviously, we don't have any classes with these kids. So it saddened me the first few weeks of school when we didn't have much contact with them besides a hello in the hallway and a high five in the bathroom. But, my best friend and I decided to somehow get into their lives.

So... for the past few weeks we've been eating lunch with the kids a few days a week, and also volunteering in their classroom on days when we have breaks. After the first day, I knew I loved these kids. They made my day. I can't even describe how much these angels made me laugh.

I'm just going to say, I'm SO grateful God gave me a heart for children in general. So blessed to have that gift.

After our first day of reading, building with pattern blocks, and kickball, the teacher stopped us and said, "Thank you so much. You have no idea how happy this has made them. Ya'll just made their day."

And that's when it dawned on me. I remember when I was their age, how I used to think older kids in their teen years were so cool. That even a hello and a highfive brightened my day. I began to realize that I looked up to those big kids.

And then an "aha" moment came over me. Now, I'M that big kid. I'M the one that brightens their day. I'M the one they're looking up to.

(Speaking of "aha" moments, any Modern Family fans out there? Did you see the premiere this week? Favorite line... "Manny, this is your "haha" moment!" haha, I love that family).

What a cool thing to think about, but also in that same sense, scary. I realized that the things I do, those kids will imitate. Those things I say, the kids will take in. And I began to realize, I need to be someone I would want to look up to. I need to be someone I would want my sisters and friend to look up to.

That's a lot of responsibility. But what a cool opportunity to plant seeds of truth into these kids at such an early age. I don't know how the Lord will use Alicia and I in these kids lives, but I'm so excited to see. And I can't wait to see how He will use THEM in OUR lives.

This Girl.

This girl is my best friend.

This girl, is the only reason I made it through Sophomore year.

I am more than thankful for this girl. God has truly blessed me with bringing this girl into my life.

This time last year, was the first time I'd ever met this girl. She was new at my school, and everyone else seemed to know her, except me. For our first week of school, my school goes to a camp, and we all hang out and get to know everyone. Well, all that week, I barely talked to her. She was off hanging out with the Juniors and such, and I was off hanging out with other people.

But on the last night/day, something clicked. We both realized how much we understood each other, and how we thought the same.

It seems like just last week we were sitting up on our bunk bed laughing the night away, having so much fun together. And now, we're here, a year later, getting ready for camp, and I'm happy to call her my best friend. :)

This year has brought us a lot of ups and downs. It's been a roller coaster ride for the both of us. But I've always said, the ones with lots of ups and downs, twists and turns, unexpected drops, are always the best. They're the type of roller coasters you want to ride. And through all of this, we've both learned so much. But I'll tell ya, I have nooo idea what my life would be like without her.

She was always there when I needed someone to talk to. When I was super excited about something, she was right there. When I needed someone to vent to, she was always there. When I needed someone to laugh with, she was always right beside me. When I was sad and needed someone to comfort me, she was RIGHT there. This girl. She is the best.

We began to realize over the year, that we think EXACTLY the same. Believe it or not. And the same things (like scenarios) would seem to happen to the both of us at the sa

me time.

The thing I love most about her, is that she's a God fearing woman of Christ, and she always pushes me to be a better person. When I'm upset or venting, she always tells it to me s

traight--what I need to hear. She always reminds me that God has a plan for everything, and it's not the end of the world. She loves the simple things in life, and loves the life she lives. And really, that's what counts. :)

This girl. This girl is the best. I am so blessed to call her my best friend.

We've had some crazy times together. Football games, mall time, car rides, scr

eaming at the top of our lungs, middle-of-the-night snack runs in our pajamas, dancing around at Mapco, almost being hit by a train (NO JOKE), so many inside jokes, laughing till no end in class, and so so so many more.

I love her. That's all I have to say. She's my best friend, and she really is the best.

God has done so much for our relationship in just one year, and I can't wait to see what He has planned for us in the years to come. For now, I'm focusing on Junior year. And so far, we've gotten off to a great start :))

I love you Alicia, dear. You're the best. I love you to no end, and I always will. Never forget it. :)

Actions Speak Louder than Words

I've been reading a book for summer reading called The Deadliest Monster by J.F. Baldwin. Though this is not an easy read, and I find myself wanting to pull my hair out because it takes me quite some time to comprehend (far more than I'd like to spend), it is jam packed with lots of great teachings. I would recommend it to anyone who plans on being a preacher, missionary, or wants to deepen your understanding of Christianity and the other religions that surround us in our everyday lives.

Baldwin talks about how "Christians must understand their worldview, and they must be prepared to defend their faith--but such knowledge means nothing until it is put into practice" (135). And he tells a great story to go along with this... and it brought me to tears. I really want to share it with you guys.

Now, I know I post inserts from books in here all the time... and I feel bad because I feel like I'm giving everyone so much reading, but it's great stories. Ones that really stick out to me and make me think, "WOW. God is so good."

So, I'm going to share this with you. You don't have to read it, but I recommend it, it's a fantastic story:

"In 1967, Doug Nichols decided to travel to India as a missionary--an odd choice, considering that he did not speak the language. He expected to overcome this hurdle with the written word, using good translations of Christian tracts and the gospel of John. Unfortunately, things went downhill for Doug, and he soon found himself in a sanitarium with tuberculosis. What could be more discouraging? He had come to minister to the people of India, and instead he found himself unwell in an unsanitary place, unable to talk to the doctors, nurses and patients around him. Still worse--because he could not communicate with these people, he could not impress upon them their need for a tract or the gospel of John. NO one was willing to read his only means of sharing the gospel with them.

Doug describes what happened next:

'The first few nights, I would wake up around 2:00 a.m. coughing. One morning as I was going through my coughing spell, I noticed one of the older (and certainly sicker) patients across the aisle trying to get out of bed. He would sit up on the edge of the bed and try to stand, but because of weakness would fall back into bed. I really didn't understand what was happening or what he was trying to do. He finally fell back into bed exhausted. I then heard him begin to cry softly.

The next morning I realized what the man was trying to do. He was simply trying to get up and walk to the bathroom! Because of his sickness and extreme weakness he was not able to do this, and being so ill he simply went to the toilet in his bed.

The next morning the stench in our ward was awful. Most of the other patients yelled insults at the man because of the smell. The nurses were extremely agitated and angry because they had to clean up the mess, and move him roughly from one side to side to take care of the problem. One of the nurses in her anger even slapped him. The man, terribly embarrassed, just curled up into a ball and wept.'

The same scenario replayed the next night: Doug was awakened by a coughing spell around two in the morning, and he noticed the same man trying to weakly stand. Without stopping to think about what he was doing, Doug got up, picked up the smaller man, and carried him to the bathroom. After the man finished, Doug returned him to his bed, went back to his own bed, and went to sleep. But he did not sleep long.

At four in the morning, another patient woke Doug and used hand motions to indicate that he wanted one of Doug's tracts. As the morning went on, more patients, nurses, and doctors indicated they, too, would like one of Doug's tracts or gospel books--until every person in the hospital had one. Within a few days, several of these same people trusted Christ as their Savior!

Obviously, it wasn't true to say that Doug had no way of communicating with these people. He could use the very best means of communication: his actions."

(The Deadliest Monster by J.F. Baldwin, pages 133-134)

I read this today, and I cried. It reminded me so much of how my team and I were in China. Multiple time we would say we wish we could speak the language so we could talk with the nannies, learn more about them, and witness to them. We were stuck with the simple hand motions.

But reading this... was encouraging.

Sometimes, it's easier to show someone what you believe, than to tell them about it.

We believe in Love. An everlasting, never changing, God of Love.

We were there to Love on the kids and nannies. That's exactly what we did. Though we could not speak, I know our actions showed through that we were different, because they've told us that. I can only hope that as more teams go back, that God will show more opportunities for the nannies to know what we're all about, how Christ has changed our lives, and hopefully He can change theirs.

That's my prayer.

Just remember, actions speak louder than words. You can say you believe in one thing, but until you live it out, no one will believe that you are different.

Sometimes, it's easiest to show someone what you believe.

In Case You Ever Have Any Doubt...

You know how sometimes you have those really bad days?

And sometimes in those days you think to yourself, "Is what I'm believing really true? There are hundreds of others of beliefs out there, how can THIS one be the ONE and TRUE one?"

We all have this feeling at least once in our lives.

But then you think to yourself, "It has to be. I mean, who could ever make up all these stories about how amazing our God is. And really, how could it NOT be true, if I have this relationship with Jesus?"

But, in case you ever have any doubt.... I have story for you.

I picked up this book at a consignment sale tonight called Revolution in World Missions by K.P. Yohannan. I've only made it through the first chapter, and I'm completely amazed. I just want to share a quick story from the book (these are missions in the Asian countries):

"Native missionary Jesu Das was horrified when he first visited one village and found no believers there. The people were all worshiping hundreds of different gods, and four pagan priests controlled them through their witchcraft.

Stores were told of how these priests could kill people's cattle with witchcraft and destroy their crops. People were suddenly taken ill and died without explanation. The destruction and bondage the villagers were living in are hard to imagine. Scars, decay and death marked their faces, because they were totally controlled by the powers of darkness.

When Jesu Das told them about Christ, it was the first time they ever heard of a God who did not require sacrifices and offering to appease His anger. As Jesu Das continued to preach in the marketplace, many people came to know the Lord.

But the priests were outraged. They warned Jesu Das that if he did not leave the village, they would call on their gods to kill him, his wife and their children. Jesu Das did not leave. He continued to preach, and villagers continued to be saved.

Finally, after a few weeks, the witch doctors came to Jesu Das and asked him the secret of his power.

"This is the first time our power did not work," they told him. "After doing the pujas, we asked the spirits to go and kill your family. But the spirits came back and told us they could not approach you or your family because you were always surrounded by fire. Then we called more powerful spirits to come after you--but they too returned, saying not only were you surrounded by fire, but angels were also around you all the time."

Jesu Das told them about Christ. The Holy Spirit convicted each of them of their sin of following demons and of the judgment to come. With tears, they repented, renounced their gods and idols, and received Jesus Christ as Lord. As a result, hundreds of other villagers were set free from sin and bondage."

--Revolution in World Missions by K.P. Yohannan (pg. 21-22).

I'm sorry, but is that just not amazing? I sat reading this with my mouth wide open. There is a God, and He is REAL. He is out there protecting us and guiding us through our lives, the lives we are supposed to live for HIM.

The Movement

I've only been home for a little under two weeks.

But yet I've hardly been home since I've been "home".

At least not for a full week.

Too much traveling for me. But I think after this week, I'm done for awhile.

I'm sick of traveling.

And I think the only thing that would make me super excited about hopping in a car/bus/airplane right now, would be if I was on my way to China. No Joke.

Friends we traveled with when we adopted Miyah are in China right now on a mission trip with VO. I find myself really jealous of them. They left only a few days after I returned home. It looks like their trip has been amazing so far. Check out their blog! And please keep them in your prayers, as I know from being there, tey need protection physically and emotionally, while they are there and after they have come home.

I posted earlier this week about being ruined. Our group leader, Shannon, had a great post about how she is ruined, and feels impossible to live with.

I know what she means.

I am ruined.

It may sound cliche after she's written this long post about it... but it's true.

I don't feel the same. I don't say the same things. I don't think the same.

I'm just not... the same.

I've found myself thinking so many times through everyday situations about the orphanage and the trip. Somehow, I can relate everything back or to how the kids live.

Suddenly after being there, life doesn't seem so bad.

And I don't know what it is about this year, but it really set in. I don't know why it hit me harder this year than it did last. Maybe because I'm older? I don't know.

I don't dread making my bed everyday. When my sisters complain about picking up their room, I think of the kids who don't have a room to share with their siblings.

Those who don't even have siblings.

I don't roll my eyes EVERY time my momma asks me to unload the dishwasher (I said not EVERY time, mom), because I actually have dishes to eat from.

I don't mind doing laundry, because I'm blessed to have more than two pairs of cloths to wear.

As my sisters complain about seeing Mr. Popper's Penguins when she wants to see Cars 2 instead, I think of how the kids see very few movies, let alone are fortunate enough to go to the theater and eat popcorn with their friends.

OR at dinner when she complains about not being able to eat raw carrots without Ranch dressing. And many of those kids (if any!) probably don't even know what carrots taste like, besides them being mixed in to their mush.

Yesterday my family and I drove to Wisconson. Along the way we encountered some strange architecture on the side of the road. And I think, "Why do people waste money on that? It's not beautiful. It has no purpose--specially in the middle of nowhere. They could've used that money to send someone on a mission trip, bring a child home, or pay for a surgery."

Yeh, that's just how my brain works now.

It's not that I'm thinking bad of my sisters or those people. I do it too. I forget and have my selfish days, too. It just sickens me that we're so spoiled. We have it way better than we could imagine. We don't appreciate the little things in life. And people have so much money, that they don't know what to do with it. Why not put that money to better use, and change one person's life?

RUINED.

But I can't complain. I feel like I have something to live for now. I KNOW there are orphans out there that need help. And I was put on this earth to help them.

I think they're up to 150 million orphans in the world now. Who's going to help them?

Me.

I am. I will help them.

Since I've been home I've had this stirring in my heart that I need to do MORE. There had to be something I can do here to help. My summer mission didn't have to stop in the Chenzhou orphanage. I can still help.

I was getting so restless doing nothing. Just sitting around.

There HAD to be SOMETHING out there I could help with.

And I found it.

I found a great organization called The Movement. Many of you have probably heard of Show Hope, an organization that gives away grants to adoptive families. Show Hope was started by Steven Curtis Chapman, the main reason we started thinking about adopting (after hearing their story at a concert). The Movement is for teens, and simply put: it's teens caring for orphans.

Right up my alley.

I contacted them, and I'll be volunteering with them over the summer. Right now they're working with a Child Departement of Services near us. I've only been able to be once since I've been home... but it was so much fun. I plan to be back every week. You have NO idea how excited I am.

I hope to get my school started with what they call a club. How great would that be?

That's actually the reason why I found this. I wanted to get my school started in service projects, and my mom suggested them. And I'm so glad she did.

There were other places I looked into. Like helping stop child trafficking, or ending hunger. And those organizations are GREAT, and much needed, and I'm open for my school to be involved in them. But for some reason, they just didn't grab me.

But this did.

Orphans.

I don't know what it is about that ONE word, but it grabs me and pulls me in. It gets me everytime. Breaks my heart, and I can't help but care.

I'm glad the Lord has made this so apparent to me, and I thank Him for that on a regular basis. I finally found what I care about, and it's clear to me.

I'm so excited.

If you live in the TN area and you want to get in involved in The Movement and help out, check out the link. I reccomend it. They're fairly new, and still trying to figure everything out, but I think they're doing great. Check it out, and see how you can help!

R U I N E D

This is a post, RUINED, from our group leader, Shannon, that I just had to share. Tears spilled from my eyes as I found myself laughing and knodding at the truths she writes. Nothing can be more true, but nothing can be more rewarding than what we have done. But there is still more to be done. There are still children waiting.

I traveled with a team of 13. And together we are all feel ruined.

I hope that YOU will search your heart and will be in prayer over if the Lord wants to ruin YOU too. For Him. For His children.

You are not too old.

You are not too poor.

You are not too busy.

Well maybe you are, and if that is the case, then you have a problem.

We can all do SOMETHING. We can be their voice. We CAN change their world.